What is Perfect Love?
Everything that we experience, everyone that we encounter, whether pleasant or unpleasant, can spur growth within us. Growth is the enlargement of our understanding, the expansion of our hearts, the blossoming of our full awareness. Love is a potent vehicle for our growth.
But what is love? First let us look at what love is not. Love is not a feeling. If the thoughts, words, actions of love are offered to the beloved when we “feel like it,” it isn’t love. Love is a dedication. It is a commitment to an altered state of being which flows out of the understanding that we must try to do all that is in our power to enhance the happiness of our beloved if we are to have even a shot at happiness ourselves. Love is the “State of No Sacrifice” because all our “sacrifices” on behalf of the beloved is really for ourselves as love, in its fullness, dissolves the “I versus You” distinction.
not is neediness. Love is a two-fold capacity. It comprises the ability to nurture, support, enjoy, and enfold, but also to offer sufficient freedom for the other person to manifest their uniqueness and purpose. Needy, unwholesome love is like a vine that clings to a tree and chokes the life out of it. Wholesome love is like two oak trees that grow strong beside each other, with enough space for both to flourish, their branches and leaves entwined as they soar towards the sky.
Third, love is not a structure that, once in place, pretty much stays the same with a bit of maintenance now and then. Love is a delicate plant that needs unceasing care and attention. When the bestowal of that attention is a pleasure and a privilege, know that you are truly in love.
Finally, love is not a solo sport. It is a fluid dance. Love needs the equal engagement of both participants. They don’t necessarily have identical roles, nor do they have to make the same moves, but there must be a back and forth. The dance of love requires practice and effort. When love is a perfect dance and the steps are in unison, it can take us to heaven’s door. When love is one-sided, and effort is uni-directional, it can play havoc with our lives. Love, unreciprocated, unanswered, can lead to self-destructive behavior–it can lead us towards the road to perdition.
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